Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
