you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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