On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
