Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
