I'm so fucking centered right now
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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