Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
