So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
