Why are handjobs necessary in class?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
