A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
