Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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