I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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