I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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