true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
