I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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