Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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