So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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