I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
