I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
