like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I want to fling myself into the sun
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
