so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
