but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
