he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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