Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
