so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
