Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
