I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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