I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
