We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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