I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
