Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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