help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
