Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
