I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
