a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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