I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
