Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
So squirting runs in the family.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
