Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
