hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
