sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
