My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
