we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
