i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
