i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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