Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
