Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I think people are normalizing furries
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
