Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You pole danced in your parka.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
