1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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