I accidentally burped into my bong.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just invented taco cereal.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
