he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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