Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
