im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
