Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
one might say we're banned from that church
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
All I want is dick and wine.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
