Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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