If i come over, it means nothing
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
